Best Supporting Actress

Adriana Barazza – Esta película (Babel) es terrible y tan es Adriana Barraza.

Abigail Breslin – She’s 10 years old. You would think that’s enough said. I could pretend the hell out of something when I was 10 years old, and I never got an Oscar nomination. I pretended I was sick so I could go to the nurse. I pretended the floor was lava or that my bed was a fort. And just today, I pretended to be working at my job. Abigail Breslin isn’t even old enough to see Little Miss Sunshine. How about honoring one of the many other actresses that gave such great performances instead of a fifth grader? Here’s a “paint by number,” go act like you’re an artist.

Cate Blanchett – Like Dame Judi Dench, she was nominated for her role in Notes on a Scandal. In the film, she plays a teacher who is seduced by a fifteen-year-old boy, and then obsessively manipulated by Dench’s character. But I say she was asking for it. You dress like that, all hot and sexy, it’s your own fault. Cate, you slut.

Rinko Kikuchi – Rinko was the only thing good about Babel, and even that story line was disturbing. But at least it made sense within its own mini storyline, as she struggles with being deaf and communicating with men, including her father. I actually thought she did the best work out of the five nominated, but her movie pissed me off, so go screw.

Jennifer Hudson – You may remember Jennifer Hudson from "American Idol." She came in second. Or you may be in the other half of America and know that show sucks. But that rant is for another time. This one is about how Dreamgirls sucks.

Maybe it’s because I’m not in the demographic for this awful musical genre. (And Aladdin doesn’t count, because who doesn’t sing along to “A Whole New World?”)

Not only does this movie make you wish you were deaf, but Hudson should have entered every scene through a wall like the Kool Aid Man. They say she gained 20 pounds to play the role. Plus the camera adds ten pounds. Plus she was a deuce and a half before. Now she’s rolling around on screen, “belting out” number after number, hoping a glazed ham doesn’t spill out onto the floor. I wish I could say she’s going to come in second again, but come announcement time, look for the shaking glass of water on the table.