Best Picture

The Queen – This movie was only nominated because Helen Mirren was just that good. A mere formality in the category (much like the monarchy) and I was about as interested as an American is in the British royal family. Though it wasn’t as painful to watch as the usual royal backdrop (see Marie Antoinette), The Queen served as just a medium for Mirren to “act a fool up in here.” You go girl. (I'm so white) She’ll win the Oscar, this movie will not. This spot should have been replaced by Little Children or Children of Men.

Letters from Iwo Jima – Haven’t seen it. I heard it better than its American sister Flags of Our Fathers and its Japanese brother Karate Kid Part II. I’ve heard it could sweep in and win it all though. “Sweep the leg, Johnny.”

Little Miss Sunshine – A cute little movie that is being dubbed “the little independent that could” since it continues to win accolades in the road to the Oscars. It is definitely a great movie for a comedy, but not the best comedy of the year which would go to Borat or Thank You for Smoking. Steve Carrell might be one of the funniest men in movies right now, but did a great job supporting a fantastic ensemble cast. Though I think it’s only being considered so funny because of the ending, which is like nominating 1993 masterpiece Airborne because the end rollerblading scene was totally rad. Which it was. Totally rad.

Babel – An awful meandering film with an unrealistic plot and very little character development. It’s a collection of stories that barely connect throughout the film. I liked it the first time when it was a good movie called Love Actually. Or Crash. Or twenty others just like it. Maybe if the writer had come up with an original concept and put the movie in the right order he might have been able to salvage a memorable movie. And I heard enough "babble" and "Babel" puns to last me until next year's Oscars lineup of hack talk show hosts. Babel and Joan Rivers are both awful.

The Departed – A gritty cat and mouse tale of rival undercover rats from both sides of Boston organized crime. The favorite for this year’s Oscar, The Departed is a thriller from beginning to the end, unlike Oscar rival The Queen, which is mostly boring from start to finish. There are few flaws throughout, but you only notice them if you’ve seen the original Infernal Affairs, an equally great film. And if you saw The Departed and didn’t like it, then I have one question for you. Why do you hate America? Because you’re a communist. So listen Red, this movie will win Best Picture.