Catwoman - Don't take my word for it

Some of you are probably tired of hearing me rant and rave about different movies. I've even made a short comment on Catwoman before. So this time, I'll just show you what others thought of this disgrace to cinema.
And in the spirit of cats, I'll include 9 points, for each of its lives. Once this list is over, then we'll never speak of it again. That is, until the Razzie Awards are given out.
(Razzies are the opposite of Oscars. They are awards for worst achievements of the year.)

1. RottenTomatoes.com, a site dedicated to compiling movie reviews from prestigious critics, has Catwoman at an 10% on the tomato meter. That's 105/117 bad reviews, for those people that like fractions. This means, in technical terms, that it royally sucked.
   
   
2. The Internet Movie Database, the leading movie site on the World Wide Web, has the movie with a user rating of 2.4/10, with 501 votes. These are votes from ordinary people, like you and me and that other guy.
   
   Here's a comparison: Battlefield Earth, known for being one of the worst movies ever made, has the exact same score (a 2.4). It is currently ranked at #25 of the BOTTOM 100 movies of all time.
   Dude, Where's my Car? has a 4.6.
   
   
3. Roger Ebert, the most famous film critic, had this to say:
   "What a letdown. The filmmakers have given great thought to photographing Berry, who looks fabulous, and little thought to providing her with a strong character, story, supporting characters or action sequences. In a summer when "Spider-Man 2" represents the state of the art, "Catwoman" is tired and dated."
   
   
4. Terrorists have threatened to kill another hostage unless Halle Berry publicly apologizes for the making of this movie.
   
   
5. For the first night of its release (Friday), it only made $6 million. I know what you're thinking, "$6 million is a lot of money, I wish I had that kind of money, I'd spend it on booze."
   But in box office numbers, this is bad. Especially for a movie that cost $100 million to make! This puts the movie at 3rd for the weekend behind Bourne Supremacy and I, Robot, respectively.
   ($17m for the weekend)
   
   I HOPE YOU'RE SEEING A PATTERN HERE!
   
   
   
6. Here is what other critics had to say about this movie. (I'll give you a hint. They're all negative.)
   
   
7. The Movie Blog, one of the sites I frequent for movie news, had a humorous way of looking at it:
   "Can you imagine the uproar if the new Superman movie was re-worked so that Superman is actually a guy named Eddie Sanchez who works as a dish washer in Toronto, who was given super powers by correctly finishing a crossword puzzle in a newspaper that a Gypsy witch had accidentally sneezed on the day before? People would be PISSED. Rightly so. Whoever came up with the idea of screwing around with Catwoman should be shot. Sorry, "shot" might not be appropriate. I meant beaten… and THEN shot. Someone needs to lose their job over this."
   
   
8. 
   
   Yeah, that's Barbie dressed as Catwoman. Not exactly a comment, but think of the turmoil!
   
   
9. And finally, the most important critics comment on the movie:
   Upon seeing the movie on my um... "computer screen," my dog (Elle) immediately began to growl. Not because it was a cat. But because if anything knows cinema, it's my dog.
   

I, Robot

If you're an avid reader of this website, you'll probably remember me ripping on Will Smith for being forever the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
Here's a link to that rant/review:
Ali Review

So going into this movie, I was expecting him to be terrible and I was surprised there wasn't a new song of his on the soundtrack.
But I was more surprised that he actually delivers a pretty solid performance. It's not going to get him another Oscar nomination or anything, but it was not too shabby. I guess it could have been a little better though, because let's face it... he's nothing without Carlton.
He does, however, have his usual cheesy one-liners, perfectly packaged for a trailer clip. The movie doesn't include as many wisecracks, as say... Bad Boys or Men in Black, but they're in there and just a word of caution, they may cause eye rolling. There's even his trademark "Aw, hell no!" But a Will Smith movie without that line is like an Arnold movie where he doesn't say "GET DOWN!" It's just not right.

I have to say this movie had potential from the start, based on a novel by brilliant author Isaac Asimov, known for his distrust of robotics.
The story lags a little in parts, sometimes giving way suddenly to an emotional scene like an unprovoked toddler randomly sobbing in a department store. But unlike the kid who you just want to slap senseless (I'm gonna make such a great father), you actually feel for the characters. And the slower scenes shift into a new plot twist, giving it a rollercoaster ride experience.
However, there are a few cliche moments that I won't elaborate on, as to not spoil it. But they're noticeable.

The best aspect, by far, is the computerized special effects. The CG team did an excellent job of incorporating the digital effects and creations into the film, without making it too obvious or overdoing it. There are a few moments of "Whoa" when the effects and the great directing by Alex Proyas combine, such as in the chaotic ending.

Overall, I believe that the movie delivered. It was intended to be a summer popcorn flick, and it was just that. A solid sci-fi thriller. And if you liked Spider-Man 2, you'll like this movie. I don't think you'll be disappointed.
I was entertained, unlike with most of the other summer action flops.

Best movie of the year? No.
Of the summer? Not really.
But it's worth the 2 hours and price of a movie ticket.


On a related note, I don't think humans have anything to worry about for a while.
Here's a side-by-side for comparison of present and future:

Who the Hell is This?

So in the post below this, I got a couple of comments. I kind of expected it, considering its a strange picture.
But what I didn't expect is THIS:



http://www.blogger.com/profile/3854370
38 year old divorced, mother of two. What?! Who the hell is this?!
And why is she posting comments? What the hell is going on?

Sexy Mamaaaaa

Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet
Pretty woman
I don't believe you, you're not the truth
No one could look as good as you
Mercy

Pretty woman, won't you pardon me
Pretty woman, I couldn't help see
Pretty woman
That you look lovely as can be
Are you lonely just like me
Wow

Pretty woman, stop a while
Pretty woman, talk a while
Pretty woman, gave your smile to me
Pretty woman, yeah yeah yeah
Pretty woman, look my way
Pretty woman, say you'll stay with me
'Cause I need you, I'll trear you right
Come with me baby, be mine tonight

Pretty woman, don't walk on by
Pretty woman, make me cry
Pretty woman, don't walk away, hey...okay
If that's the way it must be, okay
I guess I'll go on home, it's late
There'll be tomorrow nigh, but wait
What do I see
Is she walking back to me
Yeah, she's walking back to me
Oh, oh, Pretty woman

Leins Shipping

I started a company on the side. You know, to make a little extra cash. Check it out.

http://www.leins-akten.de/

Bad summer movies? King Arthur reigns

King Arthur is another terrible Disney “epic” that doesn’t do the true Arthurian legend justice.

I have to give them credit, they got the names right. And a sword got pulled out of a stone somewhere in there. But that’s about it.
Merlin isn’t a bearded wizard with magical powers. In fact, there’s no magic anywhere. Literally and figuratively.
Instead, Disney traded in the magic and myth of the legend, for facts and truth discovered by historians. Come on, who wants to see that?
It’s very unlike Disney, who is accustomed to taking stories and putting an extra spin of fairy tale onto everything, including the mystical, wonderful legend of Pearl Harbor. Maybe they just have a knack for screwing it all up.
But don’t forget all the anachronisms, those were great too.

The movie is just a watered-down Braveheart, though it must be a sin to compare the two. It rips it off right down the battle sequences, complete with a final rallying battle speech atop a pacing horse. Even the blue battle paint is stolen. I kept on waiting for Arthur to yell “FREEEEEEDOM.” Or Lancelot. Or Guinevere. Someone, anyone, scream “freedom,” already.

Ok, so any way, King Arthur is played by a boorish guy no one’s ever heard of (Clive Owen), who fights a few battles. He’s never actually king really, just a leader of a bunch of Pagan characters that ride horses back and forth across the screen.
Even the knights of the round table are watered down, reducing them to a band of squabbling musketeers, not noble, courageous warriors. The knights have wives and children. They aren’t off questing for the Grail or dueling with dragons.

As for the sword in the stone. Yeah, it’s pulled out. But not like the story is usually told, with the beam of light shining ominously and the sudden sounds of singing when it’s extracted. Not like in the Disney animated version, the Sword in the Stone. Which is it, Disney? Huh? Huh?

Guinevere (Keira Knightley) isn’t exactly a lady queen, dressed in flowing white gowns and gold crowns. Instead she’s an axe-wielding warrior with a leather strap across her breasts. She’s a barbarian archer who fights alongside her men in a tooth and nail death rumble. Guinevere barely even speaks to Arthur, much less falls in love with him and then, you know, cheats on him with Lancelot. Apparently there have been some revisions.
Knightley did, however, snag the center of the movie poster, even though she’s easily a secondary character.

Ok, I don’t want to ramble on anymore about how terrible this movie is because I could go on for fortnights. The point is that the story isn’t at all the same, and then to top it all off they went and executed it poorly. I fell asleep immediately after. And awakened to write this on the eve of the morrow. And now I bid good day to you, sir. Or m’lady.

Sunburn

So this weekend I got a sunburn. The searing result of being a red-headed, pale freckled kid with only moderate amounts of sunscreen. I was actually counting on my glaring white skin to reflect the light away, leaving me unscathed, but alas, I am lightly toasted. But I've always been known to be a little too hot, am I right ladies? Ladies...?

Actually, it could have been worse. I'm only red on my shoulders and two tiny patches on my forehead where the hair parts. So just to give you an image, I look like a reject extra from a Braveheart battle scene. But don't think about it too long, the thought of my topless torso has been known to cause nightmares.

And to make matters worse, I am beginning to peel. Yet another side effect of being carelessly under-SPFed. And, speaking of head and shoulders, it makes me look like I have dandruff, or what I like to call skinflakes... each one is unique.
I'm slowly shedding a layer of skin, like a snake or something. Sometimes I'll even break down and (in a wicked witch of the west kind of way) I'll scream "I'm moooooooooollllllllllting!" Though, to be honest, I'm more worried about it revealing my metal endoskeleton. Hey, terminators get sunburn too.

Just because my sunburn barely scratches the surface of being a first degree burn (according to the Boy Scout handbook), that doesn't mean it doesn't smart a little. Ideally, I'd have a team of midgets slathering aloe on my skin. But ever since I saw an oompa loompa, I've been scared of little people.
Or how 'bout razing a rainforest of aloe plants and squeezing them into a giant vat that I can wallow in to soothe my irritated shoulders. Nah, that'll never work, Greenpeace hates it when you try that stuff.

So I'll probably just end up doing nothing. After all, that's how I got burnt in the first place.