"Why Can't I Quit You?"

I think it’s time to stop the Brokeback Mountain jokes. It was six months ago. Get over it.

Sure, it was mildly humorous at the time. What’s not hilarious about a guy named Jack… and Ennis… herding sheep.

White trash mongoloids are finally shaking the shock away from their limited mental capacity and responding with a slew of bad puns and lame parodies. Bareback Mountin’ wasn’t even chuckle-worthy the first time, now it’s downright retarded. The slow people are just now jumping on the bandwagon that rolled to a halt a long time ago. You know why it stopped? Because the horse that was pulling it died a while back and has since been beaten into an Elmer’s bottle somewhere.

Like the guy on Fox news who made an incredibly tasteful and not-at-all homophobic remark about the film… yesterday. I’m glad one of the hosts of the morning show Fox & Friends is up to date on what’s happening in the world. A very timely joke there, Julian. Way to be on top of things. And way to be professional.

If you’re gonna make a dated reference, at least make it funny. Because who doesn’t love a Hootie and the Blowfish joke? [Besides maybe Darius Rucker (Hootie sans the Blowfish.)] And you see what I did there? I mentioned the Blowfish and Brokeback Mountain in the same rant and didn’t stoop to an obvious crack about gay sex. The way Hootie would have wanted it.

It’s sad that some people need a tap on the shoulder and the hand slash in front of the throat motion. “Oh, we’re not doing that anymore? Damn. What are we going to do about Scary Movie 4?”

What’s also kind of depressing is that the big controversy distracted from what was a great year in film, including Best Picture “Crash,” which happens to be a film about tolerance, go figure.

Another film that was nominated for Best Picture many years ago is a movie called “Deliverance.” This is a film that includes a very disturbing sodomy scene that is selectively forgotten by most people and replaced by “that movie with the dueling banjos.” On that note, I wonder if Brokeback will ever be known as something other than “the gay cowboy movie.” Maybe “the movie where Heath Ledger tries, but ultimately fails at pulling off a country accent.”

I’m hoping this little rant nips the Brokeback jokes in the butt... And let’s bring on the “United 93” jokes.