Starbucks

A new Starbucks coffee opened recently in College Station. It was bound to happen. In fact, I’m surprised it took Starbucks so long to realize that this city does in fact exist and must be exploited to its full potential. They make a fortune off of what is "trendy." But, of course, everyone acted like it was the Second Coming. All kinds of crazy signs and then a ridiculous inflatable coffee cup beckoning to the drivers. Lines were and still are out the door. The place is packed with all kinds of people fighting for that caffeine fix. There’s absolutely nothing special about Starbucks. In fact, pretty soon there will be one right across the street exactly like it and eventually one right next door. It won’t be long now before Starbucks are opening inside of previously existing Starbucks.

And everyone’s sitting around, pretending to be intellectual, all sipping on their extra-large, double-dipped, double-whipped, mocha locha frappachinos. They’re all probably discussing something like poetry or politics. Because that’s what you do when you’re drinking coffee in a place like that, you discuss. You don’t rant and rave about sports or relationships. You do that over beers. But not with coffee, it’s a studying drink.

Maybe there’s some sort of sophistication in knowing the "code" to ordering coffee, because you can’t just say, "I want a cup of coffee. Black." You have to know the Starbucks lingo. There’s lattes, espressos, javas, caffes, blends, etc. Ranging from mild to smooth to bold. This must depend on what kind of fix you need. Though the bold is only for the hardcore coffee drinkers. Starbucks even describes this type as their "most intriguing and exotic coffees." That makes me want to drink it. Right now. That "ooohh, what’s in this?" concept sounds like a fantastic idea.

And on top of all that, Starbucks is discriminatory towards blind people. Seriously. Let me break it down for you.

A blind person goes into Starbucks. You know, they want some coffee. But no. They can't get to the counter because there are all sorts of useless crap, like CDs of Kenny G or a variety of mixers, shakers, stirrers, etc. And they keep tripping over idiots in French berets playing a mean game of chess. So they are completely blocked off from the counter. So what would they fall back on? Their sense of smell. But no, that's out of the question. Because all you can smell are ground up coffee beans with an aroma that induces migraines. So they're pretty much screwed. As a last resort they try to hear their way over to the counter, but the din is deafening, from the throng of Starbucks die hards to the people screaming "I'LL TAKE A MOCHA CHOCA LATTE FRAPPICHINO WITH A TWIST OF CINNAMON AND MOCHA LOCHA CHOCA CREAM! AND COULD YOU PUT THAT IN A BUCKET, TO GO! Thank you."

So to all of those people out there that frequent the new Starbucks. Just remember that you’re supporting discrimination.