Holiday Characters

Parents lie to their kids for no reason at all around holidays. They try to teach moral and values, including no lying, but begin their relationship with you with a false character for the holidays. Doesn't this seem a little hypocritical to anyone else? "Now Timmy, you shouldn't lie to your mother. But there is an omniscient, jolly, fat man that flies around with a bunch of magical reindeer and slides down that skinny chimney and steals our cookies. Oh yeah, did I mention that mystical reindeer character named Rudolph that has a song written about him and his glowing schnozz?"

The Santa Clause "good or bad" list thing was supposed to scare you into being good all year so that you wouldn't get coal in your stocking. It didn't work for me. How many of you were actually thinking all year, "I'd better not do this, Santa's watching. He's got that stupid list and there's no way he's going to miss me because he checks the friggin' thing twice."

Easter bunny was just plain ridiculous. What was the point of telling the absurd lie that there is a huge bunny rabbit that lays decorated eggs and gives you candy on the day of the resurrection of Jesus?

The tooth fairy lie didn't really have a purpose either. To try to tell a child that someone flew in their window and stole their baby teeth was completely unnecessary. If anything that would scare a kid. They're already worried about things in the closet and under their bed, but now there are things flying in through the closed window and reaching under their pillow?

If you ask me, I find it strange that parents even conjure up these pretend people. They're letting some individual that doesn't even exist take credit for buying them presents and candy. It would make more sense to just tell them its you. Wouldn't they love you more knowing that you bought them that new, fully loaded machine gun with laser scope and night vision ability, instead of Santa?

But if the gift is crappy and they hate it, like a Furby doll that sings "It's a Small World," then they can blame it all on Santa.

Greatest Invention

The greatest thing ever made is and will always be the Kleenex box. This is ingenious engineering at work. You pull one tissue out of the box and the next one is already sticking out of the hole in the top, ready to be pulled. No one can comprehend how this fantastic feat is performed. The Kleenex tissue itself is being carefully made not to irritate the nose, but without the box, it’s nothing. You may think I’m crazy, a little out there, losing my marbles, not all there, flipping out, going loony tunes, or any other insane synonyms, but this cardboard item changed my life. This is by far the most important invention ever created.